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What is marketed does reflect…
but exactly WHAT it reflects is ever subjective…

If the medium is the message…

this scene (above) spoke to me…

(Left)…of elephants who worked for peanuts for their families but burned in the end along with their contemporaries.

(Right) Like the oft slaughtered pig (for her salty flesh, despite the fact that she was clean, trainable and arguably, smarter and more loyal than a dog.  She banked on impending disaster.

What stories are children telling, those who get to play make-believe with these pink and blue figures?

(Yours for under $10 each, available at Love’s Truckstop in Ontario, OR. Made in China.)

(For Stephen)

Tonight I watched this incredible video of the moon rising from a link on a friend’s Facebook page.

I recommend you watch it too.

I don’t know about you, but for me, the swiftness of the passage of time always comes to mind when ever I witness the rising or setting of a heavenly body. There is just that finite number of sunrises, sunsets, moonrises and moonsets in a lifetime, epitomized in the one being witnessed, in the moment, and then *blip* there it goes, beyond that threshold of the horizon, being birthed and dying, daily.

The video reminded me of these snapshots I took with Steve at sunset on the shores of Paulina Lake in Oregon, WA years ago.

Sumset_on_paulina_lk
sunset at paulina lake
Sun_sets_over_p_lk
Steve_paulina_sunset

How often I choose to fill time with foolishness of one form or another, precious time gone. Words cannot express my gratitude for Steve’s patience, love and belief in me, even as time marches on. Ironically, it is through his capacity to wait, watch and wonder that I come to reflect on the USE of my time.

Finite time is really all we’ve got.

North Star

I wonder what I’m doing out here,
alone with squiggles on an old map,
exploring a desert without roads or trails
with letters from those I love alongside?
Perhaps love is known best in what’s past.

Evening summons,
a red-orange alcove invites me
to find my worn, wooden recorder
and play to an upwelling in my soul.
The music of Sufi mystics brings
my daughter’s voice in letters I brought,
written years ago on the windy slopes of Mt. Kenya.

Under a starry sky she wrote
of her remorse over the death of a beloved pet,
a dog kenneled by her absence.
In the unique reality of a dream
her dog had spoken his forgiveness,
and said they would continue together.

Half a world away from her family,
her tears lasted through the day.
She returned to the Masai village hut,
slept in her host family’s fire-circle,
their feet around the pit’s lingering warmth.

I fall asleep with these images,
awaken with the coals
of my fire-pit at my feet,
look up at the same stars
that now look down on her.

“We are not absent from one other,”
her letter continues. “Even in death,
grief’s pain binds loss and love together.
As long as one lives, both live.
All good things end, but we can go on,
past our physical closeness
if love is lived so it is there,
lived like beating drums
that proclaim without restraint.”

The wisdom from her days of grief
evoke awe of this young woman.
I’m wandering in my desert
searching for a direction,
finding her words as my North Star.

Last Days
(winner, 2013 Chaparral Poetry Forum)

A rusty pick-up camper slows,
backs into the next space.
An older man unbends from the cab,
sparse grey hair filtering the sun.
We nod. He eyes the nearest restrooms,
measuring the distance
between need and satisfaction.
A gust of wind staggers him.
His shirt flaps like a crossbow-kite.

He sits and sips a mug,
stacks a few dead branches.
As dusk settles, he invites me over.
“Name’s Jim,” he offers.
The campfire prods,
flickers on our life’s adventures.
“Ain’t much time left. Wife’s gone now, but
I got me some nice grandkids,” he says.

Early morning, a motor-home
dwarfs his truck. His campsite alive,
he and his grandchildren rig fishing poles,
laughing over mistakes. The parents
herd their kids to the lake and their cruiser,
leaving him to himself.

The evening sounds are fresh with childish wit.
Grandpa retires with the children.
I invite the well-lubricated parents over.
His son slurs the big picture.
“The old bugger clings to life, for what?
He’s no good to anyone,
sits on a pile of money he’ll never use.
The longer he lasts the less we get.”
I plead fatigue, leave them to themselves.

Next day they’re gone.
Evening frost in the air, I’m leaving, too.
I see the old fellow sitting alone
on the lake-shore, twilight waters
rippled by the stir of a faint breeze.

Endings

Down south for winter’s stay,
we’re old, life’s projects but memories,
children left behind for awhile.
We’re snowbirds who flock
to red rock deserts to winter away
the remorseless cold of northern climes.

Here a bright unclouded sun
wants to warm new life into us.
Except in that sleep before dawn,
when, like flies on a corpse, dreams
pester us with life’s mortality,
the regrets of irreparable choices.

We volunteer for day-long hikes
in an old-timers’ hiking club, collecting
experiences of the never-before-seen.

A short thin woman on her seventies
apologetically joins a longer trek.
Alone now, her husband departed into the TV,
she plods, slow, talking non-stop
of her lost life as teacher, ballerina
and grandchildren she rarely sees.

The sun soon declines,
raising shadows high on enclosing cliffs.
She lags, slips on damp stones,
unable to ignore arthritic joints.
One of us goes back to help, to listen
until they reach the leader,
waiting at a difficult uphill turn.

Quiet eyes meet before they ascend,
slow, the steep incline to the trailhead.
As our shadows lengthen, we greet them,
celebrate their appearance with beer and treats.
We’re smiles and gratitude, acknowledging
the courage of the weakest among us.

We’ve flocked south for winter,
connected by that which lasts
until the end of what matters.

Every rare once in a while,
out here in the Red Rock desert
of Southern Utah,
I meet another Iowan.

Today I met Buffy,
yes, as in Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,
but she is really more a dragon slayer, she said.

An Iowan if only in spirit:
Idiots Out Wandering Around,
she too is unafraid
to meet the eyes of another,
to return a smile,
to talk to a stranger.

“I admire the way you live”
I told her first off,
not a meek way to start out
a single serving friendship,
or a lasting one,
but I sensed she was up to it,
and what do I have to lose?
I am rarely wrong about first impressions.
In fact, she didn’t shrink from it
but stayed in the game, curious, like me,
piqued with interest
“who is this woman?”

Buffy is different than me, and determined.
The same as me, and determined.
She recycles, she gardens.
Her parenting is fiercely loving.
Her daughter, S, is just nine years old,
the only child she has.

Buffy understands sisterhood
better than the average woman.
She joined her church by choice,
was not born into it,
a fact that holds weight
in my mind.

Buffy doesn’t look at the internet,
but her sister might visit this blog
once, and find her sister’s name here.
She might wonder…

I gave Buffy my card that says, “Vocalist” on it,
and MaurerLetters.com
and my phone number.
I don’t expect to hear from her.
But I can dream.

I told her about this blog,
my stalled-out half of it,
likening it to an infant,
waiting for something,
some purpose
to turn it around.

She told me not to believe what I hear about her religion.
I told her I deliberately seek out positive things.

What I said…
What she said…
Who knows how our words, each to each
traveled and turned along the way
from mouth
to ear.
The only thing to trust
is the feeling,
and even those are slippery rocks.

I won’t likely see Buffy again,
this is just how the world works, typically,
unless we run into each other again by chance.

I can wish for the opportunity
to follow her for an hour or two
through her day.
To sit with her while she cooks
or shuttles or bakes or writes
or whatever it is she does that keeps her so busy.
I can wish for a whole day’s visit
but these things are about as likely
as hitting a bird with a pine cone.

Her freedoms and mine overlapped
in the craft aisle of Walmart
and later in JoAnn’s Fabrics.
The first by chance,
the second by choice.

Perhaps it is enough that another Iowan
can make me take out my best paper
and make a book just for her,
with her name on it,
just to remember her by,
if not to give her,
in thankful prayer,
I just make it,
with cut out letters
and a tiny mirror on the cover.

Photo 123

I told her religion,
in all its many forms
are fascinating to me,
but not in the sense of observing,
not nearly so distant as that…

If religion is our gathering around
shared values,
then perhaps the embracing of every religion
and no religion
can serve to bind us in a greater sense.
This is my striving,
and religion is at the center.

Buffy may never see this.
If she does, it is even less likely
I’ll know she was ever here.
(It is so off-putting that WordPress makes you “sign in” to comment! BOO!!)
But when a stranger sees something,
really looks, they recognize God in the face of the Other.

She said my skin told her something of my nature.
Something good.

She laughed at my joke,
“walking through those Walmart doors is like mainlining China right here”
I said, pointing to the vein on the bend of my arm.

Buffy defies simple understanding,
though her religion is worn plainly in her dress
and her hair.
Buffy is FLDS.
A lovely woman I am so happy to have met.

~Elizabeth

The mass-killing this last week helped me (Steve) finish a poem
started over a year ago . . .

Veteran

Our neighbor, a decorated veteran,
lived in a small home, solitary,
an upstairs light on all night,
a flag unfurled year-round, alone.

Baggy combat fatigues on a spindly frame,
at 8am everyday he locked up, saluted,
began a sleight limp that metered him
along a sequence of the same streets .

He paused at overgrown bushes,
held a cigarette with hands that shook
and checked each house
with watery eyes and a far-away look.

He leaned through wind and rain,
stopped only when a siren blared
or an engine backfired.
Neighborhood dogs just stared.

He didn’t talk war, even when asked.
Some of us saw an American patriot,
wounded; others, a cripple, collateral damage
from our military-industrial nation.

Each thought they knew him right
by what they saw and heard at night.
On the day he missed
I heard the shot and caught a fright.

I found him slumped on his kitchen table,
the back of his head gone, the wall
splattered with blood, brain and bone,
a hollow-point .44 slug sent him home.

Near what remained of his head
a crumpled, splattered note read,
“I protected my country . . . who
protects them from each other___”

No one remembers him smile
but, once in awhile I did,
in his backyard, lying low,
watching his cat stalk a fat crow.

  • I still dig the poem I posted on a friend’s FaceBook wall, in a string of comments about PTSD and the Connecticut shootings yesterday.  Although my choice to post it was perhaps perceived a bit too dark for that particular thread–as evidenced by the comments in the other direction–I posted it as a philosophical offering in the midst of soft psychological ones:
     
    THE SECOND COMING
    by William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)

    Turning and turning in the widening gyre
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
    Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
    Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
    The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
    The best lack all conviction, while the worst
    Are full of passionate intensity.

    Surely some revelation is at hand;
    Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
    The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
    When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
    Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
    A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
    A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
    Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
    Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.

    The darkness drops again but now I know
    That twenty centuries of stony sleep
    Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
    And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
    Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
     
    I equally favor the Mr. Rogers quote going around in response to this shooting, the 61st such mass shootings in the US in the past thirty years. Rogers speaks about his mother telling him to find the helpers, there are always many to be found in tragedies which he saw too in the news as a boy. I think of the children in my neighborhood here, who brought news of it to our doorstep. Oh, the humanity! What to bring out for them…but love. 
     
  • For us adults, however, I believe firmly in getting philosophical even BEFORE the anger wears off. We swim in the same watering hole that Yeat’s beast has by now made its way into. Reloading, as it were. 

    To the children I can only model the “helpers” Mrs. Rogers told her boy to watch out for. My brand of help? Rhetoric And with a psychoanalyst (read: linguistic philosopher) partner with a dense bookshelf, I hope to touch and be touched by a few bigger minds.

    What to do, what to do, *wrings hands* 

    To adults I say, “Giddyup, break a leg and sing pretty!” because schools ain’t bullet-proof, this trend of violence shows no sign of letting up.  Perhaps if we could see the enemy coming on horseback?  I find myself dreaming about the days when Chautauqua moved across the plains states out toward the west, that pioneering version of science-meets-art, roving band of educators and their team of players.  Picture it with me–if only as metaphor:  Chautauqua Revival: The Post-Modern, Integrated Salon, Made in the U.S.A.
     

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This is the only quilt I have ever made–though I think only I helped with one or two squares. The same year it was constructed my parents took me out of school and drove my little brother and me from Grinnell, IA to our state’s capital of Des Moines to see the Liberty Bell, which was touring the U.S. by train. It was a big year for our country, and this was one of the ways we celebrated two-hundred years of independence from Great Britain’s rule. Some believe our nation and its governing body was just entering its adolescence around that time and I wonder whether we would send around such a national treasure today.

Our class’ quilt was auctioned off that December to the highest bidder at a spaghetti dinner fund-raiser. It was THE big ticket item, and sold for a whopping $50 to my mother. Being ten years old, I was slightly mortified by the cost, by the sight of my mother’s hand signaling her bids, and by the grand receipt of the quilt to thunderous applause in a gymnasium filled with my classmates, the entire Baily Park Elementary School student body, all our parents and teachers. It was the first time I remember being embarrassed by either of my parents, if I don’t count my mother streaking through my classroom each Halloween in primary school wearing stage make up and a witch costume, terrorizing everybody. Her convincing getup left plenty of room for plausible deniability if I just kept my head down.

Today this quilt warms the spot where I like sit in my Cle Elum, Washington studio, a cozy keepsake. It reminds me of the swiftness of time’s passing.

Elizabeth Maurer

Thanksgiving Weekend Driveby

The mannish driver was dressed in women’s clothing,
late 50s, thick brow and chin, Adam’s apple,
fits of greasy hair pushing angles
under the mesh of an old lady hat.
His companion rose up
from off his lap,
a homely girl somewhere
between 14 and 25 years old,
looking more like ten in her two high pigtails.
Neither looked over at us as they passed
headed north along the Wasatch corridor
outside Provo.

“Look at that,” you said,
pointing to the clean, white sticker
on the right side
rear bumper of that grey Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme:
“Real Men Love Jesus.”

Elizabeth Maurer
11/24/12

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